A conversation with Lola Phoenix
AGENDER, NON-BINARY, QUEER
1 hr 27 min. Recorded on 11 June 2022.
Lola’s pronouns are they/them, and they are agender, non-binary, and queer. Find out what that means to Lola in this episode.
We also talk about being accidentally gender non-conforming, not relating to normative experiences, prioritising action over language, the power in choosing our response, what we do versus who we are, the similarities between an unconventional gender journey and exploring alternative relationship styles, solidarity and the need to unite, the importance of understanding and regulating our nervous system, and being safe within ourselves.
“Nobody can actually misgender you. Unless they have the power to gender you in the first place, and they don’t. YOU only have the power to gender yourself. Nobody else has that power. They can decide if they want to see you as a certain gender, but you don’t have to agree.”
TRANSCRIPT [expand to read] – COMING SOON
Lola Phoenix is an American born writer living in Stockholm, working within digital marketing while trying to find an agent to represent their science fiction work. They have recently published The Anxious Person’s Guide to Non-Monogamy with Jessica Kingsley Publishers and have a small novella on Kindle available called Checkmate (though they edited it themselves and they confess editing is not their strong suit).
Before living in Stockholm, Lola spent 12 years living in London and working as a LGBTQ youth worker and volunteering for various LGBTQ charities and causes. And before that they grew up in multiple states in the United States, and was the first person in their family to attend university. Lola also produces a weekly advice column and podcast called Non-Monogamy Help.
You can find Lola on their website nonmonogamyhelp.com, on Twitter @NonMonogamyHelp, on Instagram @NonMonogamyHelp, and on their Journo Portfolio.
What we discussed & useful links
- Septo-optic dysplasia
- This Is What It’s Like Growing Up With No Gender article about Lola on BuzzFeed News
- Jiz Lee and the Crash Pad Series
- Alok Vaid-Menon – find them on their website and on Instagram @alokvmenon
- Pride (2014 film)
- Stonewall lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) rights charity – named after the Stonewall riots
- Gay Liberation Front (GLA) and Gay Activists Alliance (GAA)
- Kimberlé Crenshaw – civil rights advocate
- Shon Faye – Instagram @shon.faye
- Clementine Morrigan – author
- Lola’s book, The Anxious Person’s Guide to Non-Monogamy by Jessica Kingsley Publishing – get it here: UK | US